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In 1998, at ten years old, I discovered that Mama Cass died choking on a ham sandwich. Maybe I heard it on TV. Or maybe I was eavesdropping on some random adult chatter. Or maybe my mother told me during one of my relentless questioning sessions about all of her favorite musicians. It doesn’t really […]
Read MoreDear Caretakers, I imagine that this will be the first of many letters and many conversations between us. I’m starting here in a seemingly distant and formal way because I’m not strong enough for the more intimate teary-eyed conversations right now. I’m also unsure of who needs to read this letter, and I want to […]
Read MoreStored trauma is Lyme disease’s best friend. They play off of each other like school yard bullies relentlessly tormenting the mind, body, and spirit. Lyme is an opportunistic disease and tends to jump on those whose systems are already compromised. Personally, I had a weakened immune system from years of infections and antibiotics, I had […]
Read MoreI was sitting in a circle of spiritual strangers on a meditation pillow, my knees resting heavily on the pillow’s surface, my sit bones heavy on my heels, and my head heavily hung— crying. The air was humid—the air was always humid in Bali. We had just been led through a magical service conducted by […]
Read MoreI walked into a healing space this past Sunday morning, a space where people go to feel their feelings, get quiet, and be all lovey-dovey. I took a seat— I totally do the lovey-dovey shit. Immediately bored/ over caffeinated, I started surveying my surroundings. To my right, there was a big childlike sign, a huge […]
Read MoreFollowing up with last week’s post, this is an update of how it’s been going on the East Coast. In summary: better than expected! I’ve been almost myself. It’s been exciting to watch myself do a lot of the things that I couldn’t do even six months ago. Getting off of the plane last week, […]
Read MoreTHE PART OF GETTING WELL YOU CAN’T BE PREPARED FOR: I am red and dizzy, hot and overtired sitting at LAX waiting to board a flight to NYC. It’s my first time solo in an airport without wheelchair assistance in almost 2 years. It’s a flight that I’ve diligently avoided for over 2 years- unable […]
Read More10. On Anatomy: How to use a tampon: I was a late bloomer; I didn’t get my period until I was nearing 14. I had also been lying about having it for some time since it was considered heinous in my junior high to not have to visit the bathroom every 2 hours to change your […]
Read MoreMy father is not dead- not by medical standards. Not yet. Tick tock- I’ve been waiting for him to die, watching, angrily, as the more innocent go in his place. He’s more..missing with an expectation of no return- I expect he’ll die, lonely, on his lifelong search for the unattainable. I tried. I tried […]
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